Logical Wishes
by Lady Mac
Summary: Spock learns something about Amanda that opens new emotional wounds. Set after "Uncertainty." SpockUhura, angsty, oneshot.


Logical Wishes

A/N: Takes place soon after the events of "Uncertainty", but I don't think you need to read that to get what's going on here. Spock and Uhura are together.

Standard disclaimer.

* * *

In many ways, the day was unremarkable. Spock had spent several hours meditating the previous night, reflecting on his relationship with Nyota after she had left for the evening. Then, they had met in the morning for breakfast before reporting for duty. As always, he appreciated the red of her uniform against the soft brown of her skin, and the relative amounts of both on her body. He had asked her once if she ever grew cold, wearing a sleeveless uniform every day -- he sometimes found himself chilled on the bridge, even with two long-sleeved shirts. She had shrugged, saying it was fine, and she had options if she ever wanted to dress warmer. She _enjoyed_ baring her skin, especially when he was around, and he appreciated it too. There was more opportunity for him to create a fleeting empathic connection on the occasions when they passed, and it allowed him to fill his idle moments with thoughts of slowly exposing more of her beautiful body.

His work was, at the moment, less interesting than his thoughts of Nyota, and so he looked up right away when he sensed her gaze on him.

"Commander," she said. "You have an incoming call from New Vulcan."

_That_ was unexpected -- he had spoken with the time traveler only days before, and the older man had not mentioned any pressing issues. "Thank you, Lieutenant. I will take it in my office." He nodded at her as he rose and entered the lift.

Uhura hadn't told him that the caller was Sarek. He had not identified himself in the hail, but she recognized the origin from when she had sent messages to the colony over the past several weeks. She resisted the urge to listen in on the call. It would have been _completely_ unprofessional, and it would have upset Spock. He would eventually tell her what it was about, even if he didn't really want to. A bit of her was surprised at how easy it was for her to get what she wanted from him, and she smiled to herself as she put thoughts of eavesdropping out of her mind and went back to work.

Spock finally returned an hour later. His calm carriage betrayed nothing of what the call had been about, but he walked to her side and allowed the back of his hand to brush her arm. "I am expecting several large data packets from New Vulcan." He hadn't made much of a connection between them, but she felt that he was troubled, and his voice was soft. "You may forward them to my console when they arrive."

She looked up, made eye contact with him. "Yes, sir."

His hand twitched away from her, roughly breaking the connection, but his dark eyes held her gaze for a long moment before he turned to return to his station.

_What was _that_ about?_ she wondered, feeling slightly guilty. He was hurting, and somehow she had upset him. She pulled up a blank email and quickly composed a few sentences to him.

_Spock,_

_Are you all right? I felt that staying professional was the best. Do you need anything?_

_Nyota._

She heard the soft chime from his console when the message arrived, and watched in her peripheral vision as he read it, then looked over at her. She met his eyes, and then he turned back and typed something. The message arrived at her station with another soft chime.

_Nyota,_

_I am ever grateful for your dedication to professionalism; it is never out of place. I apologize for making you worry. I will talk with you when our shift ends._

_Spock._

She sighed quietly. Leave it to Spock to not address the question. But he was back at work again, and she supposed she would just have to wait another two hours. The packets began to arrive, and she sent them to his station, where he worked intently. There sure were a lot of them.

Finally the clock ticked over to 16:00 and her Beta shift replacement arrived, right on time. She stepped over to Spock, who was closing down his console. "Ready?"

He nodded, and followed her into the lift. They rode quietly, while Sulu and Chekov chatted amiably and ignored them. Spock got off at Deck Three, and Uhura followed him into his quarters. The door closed with a gentle _woosh_, and he moved to stand at the window, hands clasped behind his back. Nyota felt suddenly awkward again, as though maybe she shouldn't be here. "So, I can tell you're not all right."

He was silent as he stared at the stars outside, his breathing heavy and labored. Finally he spoke. "I had ... an interesting conversation with my father this afternoon."

"What did he have to say?"

"A great many things." He turned back to her. "Will you sit?"

"Okay." She set herself down on one end of the couch, and Spock perched uneasily on the other.

"You know that I have not had much contact with him since I enlisted in Starfleet. He was upset that I turned from the Vulcan way. Now he seeks to repair our relationship. So much has happened, and we cannot ignore one another. I found myself glad to speak with him." He breathed deeply. "Much of the call was taken with business involving the colony. He wished to share with me their progress, and to inquire about the unfamiliar elder."

"Did you tell him anything?"

She caught a tiny smile form on his lips. "No. I wish for my identity to remain a secret. I ... he ... is using a pseudonym, and I trust him to maintain the right amount of mystery regarding his origins. The elders know that he traveled from the future with Nero, but it would not do for many to know that he is me."

"Sounds like a good idea. Do very many people know?"

"No. Only a very few members of Starfleet know his identity, mostly those with whom he was close in his past. As it happens, a great many of them are currently serving aboard the _Enterprise_. His identity is also known to a few high-ranking admirals in the Earth-based headquarters."

Spock took a moment to gather his thoughts. "However, it was clear to me that colony business was not my father's real motivation for calling, though he made a good show of it." Spock folded his hands in his lap, and sat up a little straighter. Nyota recognized the signs of awkwardness, but at least it seemed like he _wanted_ to tell her. "As it happened, he wanted to talk about _you_."

"Me?!"

"Yes." He looked into her eyes for a moment, then away, embarrassed. "Our behavior towards one another did not escape his notice while he was on board. Also, he said my mother had told him that I was seeing a young woman while I was teaching at the Academy."

"What? But we weren't together then!"

"True, but my mother believed otherwise. I often spoke of you to her, and she inferred that we were involved, though I insisted we were not. You may recall that she was especially friendly with you when you met her."

"Yeah. I didn't know she thought we were together, but I guess it's good that she liked me."

"Yes. It seems she and my father often discussed the two of us, and her wishes for the future."

Nyota gaped a little. "No way."

Spock's eyebrow rose. "Yes indeed. My father told me today that one of my mother's wishes was to see you again, and frequently." He stopped, and Nyota could sense the sadness coming off him even though they were not touching.

"You miss her."

He nodded, his lips pressed together. With a shuddering breath, he spoke again. "I learned today that she was working to annul my betrothal to T'Pring, so that I would be free to be with you."

Spock stopped speaking, and Nyota couldn't think of anything to say. Tentatively, she reached out and laid a hand on his knee. One of his covered it, and together they fought the overwhelming sadness.

"She would have been so happy to see us together." Spock's voice quavered as he spoke. "Some of the files my father sent today.... She was so excited. She wanted so badly for me to be truly happy. Some of the files are ... preparations that she was making, in anticipation of your graduation and assignment on the Enterprise with me."

There were so many emotions flowing between them, Nyota's head was spinning. Spock's grief was acute, filled with longing and heartbreak. She blinked hard, and tears spilled down her cheeks. He took a breath to speak, and she choked back a sob as he began to whisper. "Her most fervent wish was that I would marry for love, as she and my father had. She saw that potential in you, in how I spoke of you. And even more than that, she convinced my father that it was perfectly logical for you and I to be together. She was so eager that she had begun to prepare for our marriage." Suddenly, he lost his composure, and a drop of salt water trickled down his face as he grimaced from the pain. "Which she will never see."

Nyota's heart tore in two, and she threw her arms around Spock. He clutched at her back and buried his face in the crook of her neck, and did not try to stop the tears that dampened her uniform. They clung to each other, trying to stay afloat as wave after wave of emotion washed over them. Spock had never felt anything like this before, and after a very long time his grief began to ebb, replaced by exhaustion.

He sat up slowly, allowing his fingers to trail down Nyota's jaw as he released her from their embrace. His head throbbed and his eyes still burned, but he breathed deeply and returned to his calm center. "Are you hungry, Nyota?"

She wiped at her nose and nodded. "Yeah." She chuckled a little. "I bet I look like hell, though."

"We do not have to go to the mess hall. I have some food here, if that appeals to you."

"That would be nice."

He rose and moved into his kitchenette. Nyota took a shuddering breath, and leaned back into the couch. Something important had just happened between them, but she wasn't sure exactly what it portended.


End file.
